And I thought the Superman movie was bad!
This is a review of X-Men III and has tiny spoilers. I don't know why I'm warning ya cuz I'm about to tell you not to bother seeing it.

Review: X-Men 3 The Last Stand

Rating: 1/10


This is a 1 and not a zero because Archangel and Colossus are in it. Even if they were both lame and used so very little.

I'll admit, the Superman movie was worse. I'll get to that in the next entry.

HOW FREAKING EVER, do you take a franchise like the X-Men and film the piece of crap that became the "trilogy" story - X-Men and 3 claws. The comic book has been around longer than me with some incredible stories. How do you put out this piece of garbage when there are thousands of plot lines that could be borrowed or stolen or simply bought. In fact, if they wanted to be original, surely someone could have been paid to write a story that didn't look like it was derived from illegible writing on a wet cocktail napkin.

"Hmmm... kinda looks like Wolverine could get thrown through the air at something and... people could get blown to pieces by the mind power of a stage 5 mutant (WHAT THE HELL?!) ... and oh, oh, Storm could create fog when she's upset... Rogue could trade her powers so she could finally lose her virginity - it'll be like beautiful poetry."

What the frak is this? The beginning sort of reminded me of one of the arcs that was going through the X-Men series back when I collected every single X-Men book, crossover etc... then it dramatically veered off course and stunk up the TV. As I was watching it with Little Mouse we were both staring at the screen unable to understand how it could be soooo bad.

Many characters die in the movie and some have their powers stripped. However, could there not have been a better way to kill off Cyclops? It was lame and he was hardly in the movie to boot. Revenge on James Marsden because he got a spot in Superman or something? Killing off a main character in this lame way seriously needs to have ramification on the writers. Note: There are writers out there that should get their asses KICKED and FIRED for killing Scott off with a dumbass kiss.

I missed the movie in the theaters - which many will now think was a good thing. Ah, no.

• See a terrible movie in the theater - $12.50 at peak time.
• Wait until the terrible movie is on DVD to see it - $5.50 if you're smart enough to rent it
• Wait until the terrible movie is on DVD to see it - $24.99 if you're dumb enough to buy it

Guess which option I picked? I had some retarded faith in that this could be decent and BOUGHT the DVD when it came out. Yes, I am now the unproud owner of this crappy movie.

• So quick review of the movie - SUCKED!
• Quick review of the extras on the DVD - BLOWS! Extra footage - these are filmed line changes you freakin' rip off artists!! Oh sorry, one was an extra of Magneto with beard and the same line and Magneto without beard and the same line. I realize they had little to get from unused footage as this movie sucked chunks - but there had to be something on the cutting room floor that could have been used! You know an entire piece of footage or something?
• YES, I watched the extras. I paid $24.99 for this thing. I had to try and find the good footage. There wasn't any!

I can only take redemption in that A&B Sound ran out of the more expensive special edition DVD on the very first day of the release, thus sparing me the agony of having forked out more mullah for this "movie". Normally I'd be irked but I almost want to write them a thank you letter.

Now, I'd normally put some blame on the director who left the movie and let it become this crap. Like with Harry Potter - these movies have not gotten better with new directors. However, Brian Singer left X-Men to put out Superman Returns and I don't know that he could have saved this movie after seeing Supes in the theater. And he co-wrote this movie so I can only assume he's suffered an aneurism. I hope he's seeking treatment.

I can't say I had a lot of faith in Superman on the big screen. The costume is hard to pull off (even if Spidey does it well). Take the Green Goblin - wicked costume in the comics and looked retarded on the big screen in Spiderman. How are tights going to work? And the cape? However, I did suppress some of my pessimism in hope that Brian Singer could do it, if anyone could.

God do I hate when I suppress my pessimism. See next entry for my review on Superman Returns. The DVD is bound to be out in time for Christmas. It'll make a great gag gift. And I do mean GAG.