It's a bird, it's a plane... it's just crap!

Review: Superman Returns

Rating: 1/10

This movie is a 1 again instead of a zero as it has a few moments I liked. The references back to the Christopher Reeve movies were nice (although repeated a bit too much) and Superman didn't look bad in the outfit.

In fact, I can agree with one statement by Bryan Singer: "You don't even make fun of him because he's wearing tights. You just accept the fact that Superman looks like he's on his way to a costume party -- and there's no problem with that."

And I will add that I liked the scene where the bullets are bouncing off Superman - including his eye. It was cool.

Then there was the rest of the movie. Okay - my points (there are spoilers, if you care):

1. What's with the old story of Lex Luthor creating his own land? It was dumb back in the day and horribly stupid today. I realize this is supposed to be 5 years after Superman 2 but... Come. On.
2. And what happened to Superman 3 - was it a dream? It stunk but it was a movie with Superman in it, so did it just not happen now?
3. What's with Superman being such a wimp? I know he is no bad ass Batman but even on the Saturday morning cartoons, Superman is a superhero to be reckoned with. Even with Kryptonite, Superman should be able to kick some ass at some point. Especially against Luthors goons.
4. When did Lois Lane get super powers? I mean she can get flung around a crashing airplane and not get a scratch, get knocked (ON THE HEAD) by a 100 pound steel door and not only be spared a broken neck, concussion or headache but is relatively fine. Getting some mojo on with Superman (years ago) apparently works wonders.
5. Maybe I didn't get it - but if Superman can fly home why can't he fly back to earth? What's with the crashing comet in the opening scene? Stupid homage that makes zero sense.
6. Back to Lex's land - who was supposed to live on this? It has no soil, is incredibly hard, ugly and no airport. OK, Superman couldn't live on it 'cuz of the specks of Kryptonite dispersed throughout but who the hell would want to live there? I'd live in Winnipeg before I'd live on this land Lex created - ocean view property or not.
7. Apparently all you need is a crystal to break into the Fortress of Solitude and get all the answers to life. No other security needed. I guess Supes Dadda didn't think anyone else would want his knowledge of the entire universe.
8. In five years in prison, Lex is pathetic to try and recreate the same bad plot. Common, the world has changed in leaps and bounds (over skyscrapers too). Creating Kryptonite land is the best this super criminal could do?
9. Was there no other Superman villain to introduce? Put Lex in prison for a few more years and have the Man of Steel fight someone else.
10. The best subplot they came up with is Superman and Lois have a 5 year old son, that has some powers - if only there was someone to show him how to turn them on and off? Do you hear screaming? That's me.
11. Has NO ONE watched the Superman cartoons? Hire some of these writers!
12. I would go on but I have a life.

I'll say if you haven't seen the movie, don't bother. It is a time waster. Waste of film. What is soooo sad is another one is planned.

And on top of that, there is talk of Batman vs. Superman. I've read the plot of the latest script, which actually has promise, but won't hold my breath that it could be pulled of in good fashion. Truly if they want this story arc - have Frank Miller come aboard. Or something 'cuz the current writers are lost - and this includes Bryan Singer. Who has disappointed TWICE in one summer - he co-wrote X-Men 3 - The Last Stand (and THANK GOD! it will be the last stand).

And I worry that this Batman vs. Superman will taint the Batman franchise that has finally gone in the right direction. Batman and Spiderman (teaser trailer for #3 is out and rocks!) are kicking ass right now. Hopefully no one pulls down Batman in order to save the Superman franchise. 'Cuz if no one responsible for reading this past script could figure out that it blew chunks, Superman is doomed anyway.